Nappies on the Ceiling
by AgentDown
Summary: Remus and Sirius raise Harry AU, in which Remus is tired of always being the one with nappy changing duty. Includes Wolfstar.


A/N: Just trying to get back into the swing of things. I haven't written anything Harry Potter related in ages, so I thought I'd practice. The title is a play off of "Gold on the Ceiling," for no reason other than I am absolute crap at coming up with titles.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Also posted over on my AO3 account under the same penname.

* * *

Remus saw the signs before he smelled them.

He lowered his mug and watched as the messy haired toddler before him went completely still. The two year old had been on the brink of solving the mysteries of the wooden peg puzzle Remus had brought home for him that afternoon. Sitting near Remus's feet on the carpeted floor, the Boy Who Lived was now frozen in the act of placing a happy cow into it's spot in the puzzle. Remus tilted his head until he had a clear view of Harry's face. He already knew what he would see.

The toddler's face scrunched up. He released a small grunt of concentration. He was still deep in concentration when a familiar stench wafted up to smack his Uncle Moony square in the face.

When he was done, he resumed his playing, forcing the cow into it's slot upside down.

Remus wrinkled his nose at the stench, one hand curled around the warm, blue porcelain of his mug. He'd sat down to watch Harry only a moment ago, fresh home from a long day of work at the Muggle warehouse in the nearby town. Sirius had been playing with Harry on the floor of the sitting room when he returned home for the day, tickling the toddler with a fluffy stuffed stag, both of them giggling and flailing. As soon as Remus had sat with his mug of steaming Chai and warm milk just minutes later, Sirius had left for a trip to the loo.

Remus had planned on relaxing with his tea while his boyfriend and their young ward played until supper. But nappy changing somehow always fell to him. Whenever the signs of a dirty nappy were on the horizon, Sirius had something to do or somewhere to be.

"Need to fix the bike," he might say. Or, "Left Harry's bag at the park, oops," or, "My hands hurt, Moony. I think I have that Muggle thing, whatsit, Carpo Tunnel-"

Or something very similar.

The point is, Sirius always managed to vacate the immediate area when that foul stench hit the air or Harry's face screwed up.

Though Remus longed to recline on the couch and finish his hot Chai, he couldn't very well leave the Boy Who Lived with a wet nappy. He sighed through his nose. His tea would be cold by the time he was done. Even after reheating it with magic, it wouldn't be the same.

Shame, that.

He took one last sip and began to set the mug down. But when he heard footsteps coming down the stairs, he paused, frowned, and came to a decision.

Harry had just fit the cow into it's rightful place when Sirius returned, humming.

"All right, lads, who's ready to-oh." Sirius paused at the edge of the room, frozen mid jaunty step. He sniffed. He wrinkled his nose and looked at Harry, who was trying to fit the piglet piece into the chicken slot. His eyes flickered over to Remus.

Remus sipped his tea.

"Dog!" Harry declared, pointing the cow out to Sirius.

"Hmm, right, dog. Well, I'm off!" Sirius spun on his heel. "Between you and the wee Marauder, we're low on milk for the third time this week. I'll pick some up at the market-"

"No," Remus said, sitting up. "You are going to take care of Harry-"

"I've been taking care of Harry all day!"

"And I've been working all day."

"Watching Harry is work."

"Yes. But you've had time to rest during his nap." Remus crossed his arms when Sirius worked to come up with another retort. "I changed his nappy twice today. In the morning and before I left."

"Yeah, but-"

"Twice, Sirius."

"Okay, but Moony," Sirius implored. "You're so good at nappy changing. I don't know my way around nappies as well as you do!"

"I'm sure you do well enough."

"I do not."

"Go."

"...I'll do _anything_ you want tonight, even _that thing_-"

"Sirius." Remus picked Harry up, mindful of the wet spot on his little toddler shorts, and handed him to Sirius. "Change. The nappy." Sirius pouted. "Go."

"You can forget about tonight, then."

"Oh no," Remus deadpanned. "What ever will I do."

Sirius glared.

"Just go, Padfoot."

"And what are you going to do?" He asked, on the verge of a sulk with a wiggling toddler in his arms.

"Drink my tea," Remus said. He sat back down and grabbed his mug. It was still warm, the tea still steaming. He took a sip, narrowing his eyes at Sirius over the rim until his boyfriend grimaced and left up the stairs.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Remus set his mug down. The porcelain was cold now, with just a bit of pale Chai left at the bottom. It had been a joy, as always, to drink, and he now had a bit more energy than before.

He'd also checked his watch three times since Sirius had left with Harry. It never took Remus this long to do a routine nappy change.

Frowning at the ceiling, Remus stood up and headed for the stairs.

* * *

"Don't look at me like that," Sirius was saying as Remus opened the door to Harry's bedroom, "If you just weren't so stubborn, this never would have happened."

From his spot on the bed, Harry scowled up at Sirius with all the ire that a two year old could muster. Sirius scowled right back. And from his spot in the doorway, Remus watched them both with bemusement.

Then he saw the rest of the bedroom.

He went from bemused to aghast in five seconds flat.

"Wha-what happened?"

Sirius sniffed, refusing to look at his partner.

"Go on, then," he told Harry, jerking his head towards Remus. "Tell him what you did."

Harry began to babble in his own specialized toddler language. Remus was able to dedicate two seconds of his attention to him before becoming distracted by the disaster that was Harry's room.

There were nappies on the floor, everywhere, some of them balled up and some of them torn. The box of baby wipes was upturned near the door, the drying wipes strewn about and hanging from various furniture pieces, and the bottle of baby powder lay squished near Sirius's feet. The powder itself had found it's way into basically everything-the carpet, Harry's hair, some of the stuffed toys on the nearby shelves, his neatly stacked storybooks, Sirius's trousers and t-shirt and the middle of his face. Everywhere, it seemed, but Harry's bare bottom.

"You didn't get him into a clean nappy?" Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. "_Twenty minutes_, Sirius."

"It's not _my_ fault," Sirius said.

Harry glared when his godfather gave him an accusing look. "No, no! Pafoot!"

"Did you at least get rid of the dirty one?"

Sirius stared. Harry stared. They exchanged expressionless looks before directing their gazes upwards. Remus frowned at them both and, against his better judgement, followed suit.

"...Good Lord."

A wet nappy, heavy and sagging with the hefty deposit of a two year old toddler, was plastered to the ceiling. Remus stared at it for a moment, mouth just slightly agape.

"Moony-"

"Mooey-"

"I told you I was no good at this-"

"Pafoot bad-"

"If you had just, I don't know, done this yourself-wait wait, where are you going?"

Remus raised a hand. Sirius froze where he stood, eyes wide and arm outstretched in a silent plea. Remus hadn't even used magic. Sirius just knew better than to ignore the hand.

"I am going to start supper." Sirius opened his mouth. Remus raised a finger. "No. I am not-no. _You_ are going to clean... this. All of this. And _you_-" he pointed at Harry, who pouted, "-are going to let your godfather put you into a clean nappy."

Elder dark haired wizard and mini dark haired wizard made varying noises of assent. Remus nodded and turned to leave.

"I suppose this is the last time I'll be doing this?" Sirius called, looking just a tad smug, and just a tad more hopeful.

Remus smiled. "Oh no, Padfoot, this is just the beginning. Practice makes perfect, after all."

As Remus shut the door, Sirius drawled, "Oh, you are getting nothing tonight."

"No no," Harry said, just before there was a wet splat of something heavy descending from a great height onto the floor.

Listening to Sirius's groan, and factoring in the new mess to be cleaned up, Remus decided there was just enough time for a second cup of tea before supper.

...Honestly, though, that was the last time Sirius was going to change another nappy ever again.


End file.
